


Disconnect

by mama murderbear (Genderfluid_Chara)



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: As you do, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Not Shippy, this just in i cant stop projecting on fictional characters, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 05:52:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13207356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genderfluid_Chara/pseuds/mama%20murderbear
Summary: Break is having some identity issues.





	Disconnect

**Author's Note:**

> I've been dissociating and derealizing up the wazoo off and on for the past 40-some hours so I'm projecting on characters I identify with, as usual

Who are you?

You don't know.

You don't know if anyone does.

 

You're not Kevin Regnard. He died when you found out how badly you failed the Sinclair family. He's not you, and you're not him--not anymore.

But neither are you Xerxes Break.

 

Xerxes Break is a fake-ass bitch, not that you'd ever say that out loud.

 

The name you were given as an illegal contractor is honestly the one that fits you best, you think. You're just a red-eyed ghost, a shell of someone who doesn't exist anymore, desperately clinging to the desire to be needed.

 

You wonder, sometimes, how much of Kevin Regnard is still there, and how much of that has been consumed by Xerxes Break’s personality.

You are neither of them, but you are also both.

 

It's only been fifteen minutes since you woke up and started questioning your entire existence. It's been six whole hours since you woke up and started questioning your entire existence, you amend yourself when you hear a quiet knock at your door. You can't bring yourself to care that time isn't flowing properly; the feeling will pass eventually, as it always does.

You sigh. “Come in.” Liam never gives up trying to get you out of your room on days like these, once he makes the commitment, so you might as well get it over with.

But it's not Liam who Sharon has sent this time.

 

Standing there with arms crossed and wheeling a cart of food behind him was Gilbert Nightray. You winced, because the last time the two of you actually talked you had been forced to reveal your sordid past.

But he still cared about your wretched self's well being, apparently, since he rolled the cart in front of you and, settling himself on your bed next to you, said, “You need to eat something. Don't worry, it's safe.” You snorted at the familiar disclaimer, smiling bitterly. You still didn't know why he added that whenever he brought you food, but it was a good reminder that not everything changes.

When you don't make any other response, he lightly smacks the back of your head. “Hey. Either eat, or explain why you've stayed in your room all day. We're all worried about you.” His cheeks flushed pink slightly, embarrassed to admit it--he always did get really flustered over the smallest things.

 

You lean back and sigh.

You tell him everything. You tell him how you don't feel like you belong anywhere, how you don't feel like anyone, how you don't know how much of you is even real anymore.

You still feel like shit, but it feels nice to get all this off your chest.

 

There's ten minutes of silence after that. Or maybe it's ten seconds. Again, you really don't care.

 

“I can't really relate,” Gilbert says, “but I do know that it doesn't really matter to us. Maybe you're both, maybe you're neither. You're still the guy who made all those cryptic comments when I was growing up, and who can't use the door like a normal person, and who Sharon looks up to. So take as much time as you need to figure it out.”

You find it in yourself to smirk at him. “Aw, you  _ do _ care.”

“And you're still an infuriating old man. Now eat your damn soup.”

**Author's Note:**

> My name is Quiche, a friend dragged me into Pandora Hearts, and I would die for Gilbert Nightray


End file.
